In a bid to jump start the economy Financial Services Minister Jackie Slight is encouraging the exchange of foreign criminals with the EU. Speaking after yet another successful initiative she addressed a gathering in London. ‘ The smash and grab raid in Cornwall is a prime example of internal wealth creation, insurance companies pay out, victims get compensation and in turn the treasury get more insurance tax revenue,’ she preened.

Her comments come as Lithuanian robbers were sentenced for the January 2018 raid on Michael Spiers’. The four main participants arrived in the UK the day before stating they were migrant workers planning to work at a recycling plant run by fellow countryman Gytis Inokaitis. In actual fact they were the heavy crew flown over to take £1 million worth of jewels. Unfortunately they were relying on the law enforcement techniques employed in their home country. They did not reckon on plate recognition technology. As they fled to make flights back to the tiny Baltic country they were duly nicked by the cumbersome and underfunded British cops.

Unfazed by the huge costs of now funding their incarceration at public expense and the extortionate cost of trials Ms Slight brushed aside the criticism that the scheme was not of any benefit to Britain as a whole.

‘ That is a racist statement. Not only is this a sound revenue and wealth creation incentive but it has been a great learning experience. The lesson I will take from this case is we need Italian thugs, the Mafia turn out some first class robbers and we are already approaching them for a partnership in the future.’

Editors note: The real telling of the story is even more ridiculous and depressing. Read it by clicking here 

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